Dear Friends 4 Life,
IS THE GRASS TRULY GREENER?
There is a well-worn cliché that the grass always looks greener on the other side. Many of us as couples do not get discontented until we start comparing notes with other couples whom we consider to be our peers. Then, suddenly, it appears we are disadvantaged and behind in everything.
THE WHOLE TRUTH…
It is amazing that when people tell their stories, share their testimonies or celebrate their victories, they suffer from selective amnesia! They fail to include vital information like the fact that there are no quick fixes or instant solutions. They also conveniently forget to note that their success came after several efforts, many of which ended in failure. Also omitted are the fact that some of the triumphs came with a costly price tag of compromise, corner-cutting and conscience-violation. Of course, couples also forget to warn that they have not attained perfection but are, in spite of their “notable miracles”, still a work-in-progress.
So, recollect that nothing good comes easy. Like any other good thing, a good marriage is the product of, first and most importantly, an abundant dose of God’s grace. This must however be accompanied by hard-work, diligence and commitment.
APPRECIATE, CELEBRATE, JUBILATE
Learn to appreciate and celebrate your spouse’s virtues on a very regular “many- times- a-day” basis. Remember that they may not be all you want them to be yet but they have come a mighty long way from where and what they used to be. Celebrating their achievements serves two vital purposes: it encourages your spouse to aspire to greater heights since whatever they achieve is enthusiastically extolled by you. Moreover, exalted commendation makes anyone feel good about themselves and what they have, and can attain. On your part, it helps you focus on the positives which makes you a happier person and one whom others like to be around.
Bear in mind that anything that you do not appreciate will slowly depreciate. Never take your spouse for granted. They may be doing what they are supposed to do or what is expected of them and you may be thinking “Well, why are they making a song and a dance of it?” Or “What do they expect from me, a medal?” The reason why almost one in two marriages is ending in divorce is because up to 50% of married folks are not even doing the basics, let alone all that is required to make a marriage flourish. So if you happen to be one of the blessed ones whose spouse is, in a sense, compliant, then realise you are blessed and celebrate the gift that you are blessed with.
MAYBE GRASS IS NOT WHAT I NEED
Finally, dear friends, if the grass appears greener on the other side, it must be because someone spent a long time spreading the manure before hand; then someone had to spend a lot of time weeding and mowing the lawn. If however you suffer from hay-fever, then maybe what you need is less green grass and perhaps a paved garden or artificial turf. You cannot and should not work by somebody else’s clock or calendar. The Bible warns against the folly of making anyone else your standard.
Learn to appreciate and celebrate what you have got and you will invariably attract those things you need but do not as yet possess.
Shalom, precious friend.
Pastor and Mummy O